It is time to stand up June 16, 2016

I have now come to an even “greater” conviction that there is only one way to prevent the exploitation of ourselves as therapists; and to prevent the exploitation of our clients. “That” way (as I see it) is for trained, ethical, hard working therapists to gather enough strength, stand up, and open their own practices. (Or, at least diversify, and have a side practice as a safety net for themselves.)

Stand up and walk. Walk to a destination beyond our comfort zone. We also need to learn. Sure we are scared because collage only taught us to work for someone else and not for ourselves. Yes, sometimes we need to move beyond our comfort level. Sometimes we also have to get mad enough, depressed enough, and “shocked” enough; we take our negative energy and do something different. We need to muster up courage.

By mustering our courage, even if it means channeling negative energy, we must learn how to run our own counseling practices. By running our own counseling practices, we are no longer contributing, perpetuating, or reinforcing the sociopathic system, which exploits us. Opening our own practice is a form of protest and self-protection. Furthermore, when we do muster our courage and open our own practices, we provide options for our clients.

Our clients (or perspective clients) are also tired of contributing, perpetuating, or reinforcing the sociopathic system. However, sometimes our clients are smarter than we are. They already know they are being exploited but they cannot find options. We still believe we are contributing to the “greater good”; meanwhile we are going down. We drown in our desire for altruism. Sure, we are scared but we cannot help people if we get our spirit, confidence, energy and life force is sucked out of us.

Interestingly enough, besides our clients, nature often possesses wisdom we do not. A mother bird always saves a few worms for herself. This is because nature’s wisdom automatically knows the mother cannot help her babies if the mother is dead. Similarly, we cannot help others if our life force is dead. Stand up. Learn. Move out of your comfort zone. Prevent the exploitation of yourself and help others.

At the risk of sounding elitist, I will sound elitist!

If you are an Arkansas LAC, LAMFT, LPC, and/or LMFT…you have passed some of the highest credentialing in the nation. You are more than just another spoke in the wheel. You are more than just another cog in the counseling industry…

You are “Crème Du La Crème”, the cream of the crop. You are part of an elite group of mental health therapists who have fulfilled Arkansas’ high credentialing. So have faith in yourself and stand up.

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SO SO TORMENTED BY THE RECENT NEWS March 7, 2015

I am so tormented be the recent news from my state.

I am so sorry for the child.

I am also so sorry for the adoptive parents who, undoubtedly, must have felt so helpless and hopeless.

No adoptive parent adopts a child with the intent of sending that child away to be sexually abused.

I would say for the most part, adoptive parents adopt out of a deep longing to help a child.

And there really isn’t help “out there” for parents after the adoption.

I have said before, and will say again…

That other adoptive mother,,, who sent her adoptive son back to Russia, probably came to the conclusion that that action was the most merciful; send him back to his own language, own culture, to the food he understood,to the things with which he was familiar…..

and she could not find the help she needed.

MENTAL HEALTH THERAPISTS “STAND UP” February 24, 2015

Why do Qualified, Ethical, Licensed; Mental Health Professionals Not Open Our Own Private Practices?

• We are afraid of failure
• We lack knowledge about running a business
• We don’t know how to get on insurance panels
• We don’t understand how to bill for services
  We are uncomfortable asking clients for money
• We don’t want to be perceived as greedy
• We don’t believe in our own worth
• We don’t value the service we have to offer
• We don’t know about marketing
• We feel uncomfortable with marketing ourselves
• We feel we should be helping people not charging
  them money
• We feel timid about seeking out referrals
• We don’t know where to find referrals
• We are afraid we won’t have any clients
• Others have discouraged them from starting a practice
• Others have told them how hard it is to get started
• We don’t think we can afford the start-up costs
• Sociopathic agencies have sucked the life out of us

Therapists, stand up on you own.

Do not allow yourself to be just another cog in the INDUSTRY OF THERAPY,

in some “Sociopathic Agency”.

Prevent yourself and your clients from being exploited.

YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR THAT !

MENTAL HEATH THERAPISTS “STAND UP”

Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) January 24, 2015

I would like to elaborate on this using knowledge of biology as to what happens when we experience fear; THEN LET US CONSIDER OUR FOSTER OR ADOPTED CHILDREN.

When we are faced with a tiger, or we encounter any kind of trauma, grief, rejection of a loved one and so forth, the body floods the system with adrenaline, the hormone of strenuous action and fear or fight. This hormone helps us to deal with the ‘danger’.

Adrenaline activates the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) which is a sub-branch of the Autonomic Nervous System.

It controls specific bodily organs to prepare us for fight or flight. These reactions are BEYOND THE CONTROL OF OUR CONSCIOUSNESS. These unconscious reactions can be responsible for weird physiological symptoms.

The SNS dilates pupils of our eyes, shuts down the digestive organs, increases heart palpitations, relaxes the smooth muscles of bronchi and bronchioles, leading to “breathing problems”.

The smooth muscles of the digestive tract are inhibited, so peristalsis stops, sphincter of the bladder also contracts and the bladder wall relaxes. This may lead to involuntary defecation, also known as encopresis.

HMMMMMMMMMM. So some of the problems our kids have are subconscious?

Maybe we need to consider the “CONTROL” concept.  Maybe they are not out to control us!

Are they trying to control us or is something happening beyond their control?

A mother’s heart: posted on Facebook December 29, 2014

(She speaks from her hear and says things I have said myself – She writes about hurt children, sincere parents, tragic events and medications.)

By Annie Martin:
“Someone shared this and the comments it received made my heart ache.”

(Article: You’ll Never Guess What Every Mass Shooting Has In Common, And It Isn’t Weapons…
Read more at http://universalfreepress.com/nearly-every-mass-shooting-has-this-one-thing-in-common-and-it-isnt-weapons/)

“Everyone immediately sees a link with medication and these unfortunate events – but what I see is parents trying to seek help for their children, and children who are out of control and may not even know why.

God creates everyone beautifully, but events happen that change children, many times events that are beyond anything most people would comprehend and events that aren’t the fault of the child. Sometimes it’s their perception of the world around them or how they are treated by others. Sometimes it’s actual abuse, neglect, or even loss. We can give our children loving guidance but there comes a point of exhaustion when parents desperate for answers and help reach out.

Until you’ve been the mom of a child that cries out in genuine pain because he isn’t “like everyone else” and you hear his pleas to God in his prayers to “just make him normal” you don’t realize how deeply children hurt and that they see their differences as “bad”. Parents can hug, love, pray, read scripture, and mold their children. That doesn’t replace their need for outside help.

No one would ever think of asking someone with high blood pressure not to take their medication. Ever.

I’ll be the first to admit sometimes medications are over-prescribed, but that’s at EVERY level and every kind of medication.
There isn’t one common denominator of medication in any of these cases that I can see from this list (several of the medications are for depression, several are stimulants, and still others are anti-psychotic, and so on) — the common denominator is parents that were seeking out help for their children. The biggest issue here is the lack of quality mental health services with doctors that stay in place and monitor these children appropriately. Watching doctors and counselors come and go at Behavorial health facilities is so hard when with every change you have to start at the beginning, AGAIN!

This is not about parents that didn’t care, but likely parents that were struggling too. No one wants to be the parent of a child and say “I have no idea what to do…I don’t know how to help him anymore”
Yes, maybe this list shows that these children were all on medications…but it also shows parents asking for help, kids who were hurting too, and families that needed love and support, not criticism for seeking out help! The mental health system is broken, like so many other systems out there. We need to fix it so that children and families can truly get the help they need to prevent these tragedies.”

Why are there no support groups? November 24, 2014

……asked one mother of a RAD kid….

I quickly retorted….Because there is too much embarrassment and shame….No adoptive parent adopts with this in mind……

They are too embarrassed because their child is always a perfect angel at someone else’s house…

No one knows about the anger directed towards you; the yelling, screaming directed towards you; and pain involved.

They are too ashamed because they get so many critical looks reflecting that they should “just spank the kid”;

or give more consequences.

Or they get looks and comments which communicate that something must be something WRONG WITH YOU, as a parent, that you can not control your child.

Or just the opposite…..

They get too many looks or comments which communicate…

you are too hard on him; or all he needs is love;

but she is always so polite at my house…you just misunderstand him…..

 

I communicated to the mom to not be ashamed nor embarrassed for we are dealing with the one percent of the children which nothing seems to work.

But there is hope if you are willing to try something different…and I would bet you are…or you would not be calling me now.

 

Sensitive Children October 15, 2014

THIS IS NOT NEW BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT

Northwest Arkansas Therapy “Hope, Growth, Discovery”
January 7
Raising a Sensitive Child
by Sue Fliess

He cries at the drop of a hat—or a toy, in this case. She crumbles if you raise your voice at her, even slightly. He seems to have a bionic sense of smell. Before you write your child off as a drama queen, consider the fact that this behavior may be innate.

Research by Dr. Elaine Aron shows that a high degree of sensitivity is often a physiological reality with which some children are born. Despite what other parents may tell you, it’s not due to a deficiency in confidence or social skills, and it’s certainly not something you as parents have, or ever had, control over.

Sensitive children have different, or perhaps more exaggerated, reactions to things. They don’t act the way you’d expect a typical child should in many situations. Unfortunately, in our society, this is often seen as weakness. But according to Jeremy G. Schneider, a MFT (marriage and family therapist), it’s just the opposite. Says Schneider, “The reality is that sensitive children have a gift. They are able to experience the world at a higher level than average children.”

What earmarks a child as ‘highly sensitive’? Highly sensitive children may exhibit one or all of the following traits. Schneider explains that the key is to notice a pattern of behavior, as well as the degree to which a child exhibits one or more of the following:

Is your child highly sensitive to his/her senses? An excellent sense of smell or hearing? Very sensitive to pain?
Does your child get emotionally overwhelmed easily? Does she feel a wide, yet intense range of emotions? Does she sometimes get so excited she withdraws?
Does your child have a depth greater than his peers, or even adults? Does he ask profound questions, think a lot on his own or reflect on his experiences?
Is your child highly aware of her surroundings? Does she notice when small household items are moved or minor changes in others, like a haircut?
Is your child very sensitive to other people’s emotions? Does he notice when someone is feeling sad and try to help him? Does he seem especially sensitive to the feelings of animals?

Realizing your child is highly sensitive can be tough. Not tough to understand, but tough to swallow. Don’t depair! It’s better that you know early on, and take steps toward helping him deal with his world going forward. Schneider offers these two tips to parents to help their children maintain their sensitivity and confidence without making them feel they are not like other kids:

Adjust your behavior, not your child’s. Don’t try to force her to adapt to society’s demands. Love and accept your sensitive child unconditionally. You cannot change who he is. He needs to know you love him no matter how he perceives or reacts to the world.

Become partners. Work with your child to create ways to interact with the world safely. For instance, she’ll likely have an easier time interacting with classmates 1:1 than in larger groups, so set up individual play dates so she gets comfortable with several classmates.

Focus on strengths. Sensitivity is practically a stigma in the U.S. and it’s important not to “label” your child. Help him understand that he experiences the world more deeply than most children, and help him see the strengths associated with this. He may notice things most people don’t, have a better imagination, focus or concentrate better, be a gifted student, or empathize and be sensitive to others.

Make small changes. If you need to make changes to your child’s environment, make them little by little. She will feel less overwhelmed.

Nudge, don’t push. Most highly sensitive children get easily distressed when they have to make a decision. They often reject opportunities out of fear. Sometimes the best thing you can do is nudge your child to take a risk or try something new. The same goes for punishment. He’ll respond better to you gently correcting his behavior, rather than yelling at him. If your highly sensitive child knows you will be there for him and love him no matter what he is feeling, he’ll have less hesitation in new situations, and will be less self-conscious or risk-averse. If he knows you’re not going to push him to be something he’s not, you’ll both be a lot more relaxed and prepared for the road ahead.
You can help your child deal with the world and all the unexpected noise and upset it can throw out at us. Highly sensitive or not, all children need that parental security blanket every now and then.